20040630

Clash of the Naming Conventions

Some of Saturn's moons in orbit order, with mythological origin and possible role of that mythological creature in its pantheon:

Mimas - a Titan that Hercules slayed. This already bodes trouble for the naming conventions, if there's already a "titan" involved in the mythology and now there's a Titan: Specific and Titan: General. Should I be complaining to the IAU already?

Enceladus - one of the Gigantes. Who were the Gigantes? That's right, they were the Titans, but clearly someone else translated that part. Standards, people.

Tethys - Tethys was NOT the goddess played by Dame Maggie Smith, whose likeness came alive after the princess's mother hubristically declared her daughter's beauty to be greater than the goddess's. And she did it, like, IN the temple itself. Bitch deserved what she got if you ask me. This is in "Clash of the Titans," of course. And that was Thetis. But this is Tethys, who was a Titaness (!) who was both sister and wife of Oceanus. Hmmmm.

Rhea - Married to Dannie DeVito in real life, Rhea was a foul-mouthed, trash-talking barmaid character in the popular 1980's NBC Thursday night sitcom, "Titans."

Titan - Um.

Hyperion - this is the name of Ford's new hybrid SUV, whose atmospheric effects will reduce the chances of our own Clear Skies looking like Titan's.

Phoebe - Remember the one where Phoebe was all "I'll kick your British ass all the way to, um.. West.. Gloucestershire!" Wow, I miss that show. No really, this moon was named after the daughter of a popular Las Vegas lounge singer-cum-Seattle drag queen, Dina Martina.

Janus - this now an investment firm, and I believe this was the "two-faced" god. Need we more reason to distrust a firm that names itself so blatantly...?

Epimetheus - Named for the largest organ in the body - except it's not IN the body. It's ON the body, whoa! Wait...

OK, I'm bored already. Don't even ask me about Ymir, Paaliaq, Tarvos, Ijiraq, Suttung, Kiviuq, Mundilfari, Albiorix, Skadi, Erriapo, Siarnaq, or Thrym. Thrym? What, is Anne McCaffrey on the naming commission now?

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